Welp, we did it!

As the tressels started to grow brittle and find their way into the palms of my hand, I said, “Let’s get ahead of this and make it something fun.” By ‘this’ I mean the fact that my hair began to lose its lustre and would eventually fall and fall and fall out.

I felt very little anxiety about going bald. What flustered my already preoccupied brain was the ‘when’ and the ‘how’. The doctor predicted around 2-3 weeks after we began chemo. I noticed right away that more was coming out with my showers. The how - that is the part that felt so out of my control. Would it be handfuls while giving my locks a casual tousle? Would I find strands streaking across my pillow when I wake up? Would I lose all but the bangs and have to join a punk band based solely on my hairstyle?

So fuck it. We shaved it off.

And by ‘we’ I mean my high-class, kick-ass, hairstylist team: My youngest brother Evan, the hair-shaver, and Fabi, the photographer. They also provided peak positive vibes and a delicious dinner from Cava (to fuel us for the adventure.)

I grapple with ways to describe the experience and the result other than: it doesn’t feel weird. Not even a little bit. In fact, this hair moment feels like it's meeting me exactly where I am. At 36, bull-dozing forward as strong as the unexpected news of having cancer, bull-dozed me back. I feel free and tough and 5 degrees cooler (in temperature and vibes.)

My favorite post-shave moment was having both my cats, F&G, come up and snoof my head and purr back in approval.

Most likely, this new hairdo will be my normal until ~3-4 months after chemo wraps up (in July). Apparently, that’s how long it can take for the hair to start growing back. And already the benefits are innumerable. For starters, I have the exact right hairstyle to sweat my way through the Houston summer. I’ll be foregoing at least 2-3 haircuts, meaning $200-$300 saved (though I LOVE my hair artist, Jessie Hutt at The Alchemy - HTX residents check her out!) Plus, I dye my hair with Madison Reed every 6 weeks, so x $36 by however many months (I’m already over math). Plus plus, I’m a little high maintenance when it comes to my curls and use the amazing (albeit pricy) products from the goddess Tracie Ellis Ross (Pattern - smells so freaking good.) This girl is going to have some walkin’ around money! (Haha, just kidding cause medical bills - but still!)

Also, for the first time in my memory, I can wear ball caps!! This is big. I’ve long been attracted to a woman in a ballcap, and alas, I now get to be one of them!

Sporting a ballcap! Also, accomplishing my goal to go to at least one of the HTX bookstores for the April book crawl. Suck it, cancer (respectfully…please just leave.) But you can’t keep this girl away from her books!

The only negative I can conjure up is that when Fred and George do something heinous, like knock over their JUST-refilled water bowls, and I say “you’re going to put grays in my hair!” it won’t carry as much weight (and they’ll know it). —-

Thank you to Evan and Fabi for being a part of this experience. Thank you to all of those who’ve already seen my new look and met it with love and compliments. Thank you to all of those brazen and beautiful people who’ve come before me and took the clippers into their own hands. You gave me the idea and the courage to take back the power.

With love and no regrets,

Nutmeg

———

P.S. An overall treatment update: my first set of lab work post-cycle 1 of chemo came back acceptable, showing that the treatment is working! I will be returning to the hospital for a 5-day stint on April 19th for cycle 2. There will be 6 cycles total. Gratefully, each cycle is punctuated with time back in the comforts of cats and home. Thank you for following along!

Gone Are the Days of Hair

Bodies, amirite?!