heART
The wait between finishing chemo and the PET scan (and its results) is not unlike those abstract and itchy days between Christmas and New Year's.
And yet, we wait on! Fortified by bird watching and reflecting and ironing my work shirts in anticipation of returning to the clip of work life.
Thank you for sitting in this sweaty waiting room with me (hot flashes in Houston heat - wowza!)
Below is the project of love that sustained me during my recovery period leading up to my final chemo treatment. The situation that severely slowed my life down to a soft and spacious tempo (getting cancer) is not ideal nor wished upon anyone. AND I feel gratitude to have pockets of cherished time where I spent time creating with my hands.
I dipped my hand back into a childhood favorite: perler/fuse bead art. It felt like the correct medium to manifest something I envisioned into something tactile.
Back in March, when prescribed my treatment plan to attack the 17 cm mass bristling in my upper chest, I began envisioning this thing, this Stranger, being torn apart and emulsified by the medicine. I collected all the profound and beautiful love and support flooding in and directed that energy towards this mass. I imagined it bursting, ripping, collapsing, and splitting into crystals of color before disappearing with every breath.
Using perler beads, I created crystals and formed them into a 17 cm mass. I pulled crystal by crystal away and away until nothing was left except air.
Each crystal took on a second life, becoming a colorful fossil of a time now past, and turned into a keychain.
My visual art medium of choice is pen and color pencil. The quantity of colored pencils currently circulating in my home is a bit unruly and obsessive. Needless to say, I knew it would be criminal not to create my own thank-you card.
Shout out to Jia at the Houston FedEx who made the printing happen fast and with care as I pushed my personal deadline to the last beat.
I’m proud of this piece. I’m proud of Fred & George, my meowificent muses, for existing.
My last week in the hospital went fast for three reasons:
My cousin Sarah visited me. She’s my OG Dulce Bear. We can talk for hours, and that we did. I got to introduce her to all the nurses and doctors taking care of me.
The adrenaline as the finish line appeared on the horizon. Cue “Don’t Stop Me Now” by Queen.
A chance to sashay my IV pole around the ward distributing gifties (a crystal and postcard for each) to the nurses and doctors who held and helped me through the rough parts of the last four months. It really touched my heart when more and more nurses showed me their crystals hanging from their name badges.
With love and heART,
Nutmeg
